Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Readers Reveiw
You may have already been informed but my power was out until this morning....really unhappy about that. So anybody wanting to reveiw my essay just let me know and I will send it to you I have already spoken to our professor and she is aware of our situation. I need two essays to review myself and would be very appreciative if you guys could sent your drafts to my e-mail. My e-mail is alexaj4@u.washington.edu. Thank you for the understanding of this inconvenience.
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Readers Review
ReplyDeleteI must say, your essay was really good. It was really strong from start to finish. You started off with a fantastic introduction that gave plenty of background and context for you to enter on with the objective of the essay. The thesis is strong and clear, you make it clearly known what you will be pursuing throughout your essay. Along with that, the objective evident throughout; you discuss and analyze your blog in reference to West’s article and the BBC blogger and the occasional reference back to your objective further strengthens the essay. There are two questionable things I want to point out, though. First of all, you tend to use ‘blog-site’ rather than ‘blog’ which sounds a little awkward, you may want to go with ‘blog’. Second, is your diction and use of language. It’s fantastic and very flowing, but there are times when I felt overwhelmed and your wording felt a little convoluted. A great example of this is the last couple of sentences of the second paragraph.
Wow!!! man I am amazed just sitting here reading the first paragraph and then writing this. You have a very strong thesis and I can clearly see it towards the end of the first paragraph. You obviously know what you are doing here, I wish I could say the same for myself but I am beginning to understand. Even though you don't flat out say it, I can tell what your thesis is.Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe your thesis is the discussion of your identity as it reveals who you really are and characteristics of your personality.
ReplyDeleteYour second paragraph is very solid in that you show your evidence and clearly argue with West's article as well as analyze all this information.
One thing that I noticed is that you did not flat out mention your identity like in quotes but more mixed it in with the words. This meant that I really had to dig deep and think about what you said and clearly see the identity that you are trying to discuss. This is way different then my approach because I like to throw things flat out and just say the identity. Not to say that it is bad because it really isn't. As a matter of fact, it is really good.
Overall this essay shows a great deal of every criteria in the grading sheet. You have a defined argument, analysis and discipline awareness. I would not say that it is highly defined because there can always be improvements. In my honest opinion, you are a much better writer than I am so I can't really give you any decent feedback but point out all the things about your paper that stood out to me. It really made me think about where my paper is going.